From: Kimberley J ([email protected]) Author: Other Category: Gone Relationships Subject: personal angst - life just sucks - no significant info here Date: Mon, 18-Apr-94 / 22:16
Just needed to vent - cause I am feeling so unbelievably down today. Hard to even put it into words or find an excuse for it. Feel like I'll never be able to have a relationship in which I don't lose myself and become totally dependent on the other person. Feel like I'll never have a sig. o. who appreciates my contradictions and encourages them. Seems like I'll spend the rest of my life in and out of bad relationships - just like the last 3 years of my life. People seem so wonderful at first but then they just disappoint you and by the time you find that out - you are completely lost. No I should be saying _I_ in that last paragraph. Certainly this does not happen to everyone. Feeling down because my stupid sexual drive is too damn high and yet I don't want just sex. I want to be in love, or just forget it. Feel like I'll never be in love for more than a couple weeks at a time - again. Was once. Now it seems like it was co-dependency. I try to think of a happy couple - one that has been together for more than a few days - and it is impossible. Well of course there are the people who SAY they are happy - then you take a good look at their behavior and well . . . if that's happiness - I don't want that either. Feel completely irresponsible. Not supposed to be this old, with this many degrees, with this sort of job and be irresponsible!! Just another one of my contradictions. Can't seem to feel loved or even liked a lot, even though there are people around saying such things to me. What is wrong? I feel like it's not even worth trying to change cause it never really happens anyway. sure, maybe he's just the wrong person for me. Easy to say. I have several other friends that I like that want to have a relationship with me. Why not try a relationship with one of them? Seems like the logical approach and yet I cannot do it